I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
