My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
