You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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