I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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