I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
