The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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