he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
