I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
