Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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