No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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