After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
