under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
