Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
sex in a hospital.. check
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
