Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I forget how to act sober
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
