You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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