My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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