In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
