its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
