Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
