Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
