dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
