I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
