K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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