i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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