o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
