i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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