Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How naked do you want me to be?
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