3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
