My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
