just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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