Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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