you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
