Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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