who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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