New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just cropdusted the office
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
