She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
