Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
