Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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