Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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