they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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