now i know why i became what i already was.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
