so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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