he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
