hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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