sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
