Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
