you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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