why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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