His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
