Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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