i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
